Tonight, I'll screen share the sutta so we can go through it together, with some commentary from me. We'll focus on the Buddha's words and discuss them as a group, but first, let's meditate.
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Tonight, I’ll be discussing mindfulness, kindness, and non-attachment—three separate but connected topics. Let’s take a moment to reflect on kindness. Consider how it feels when you treat yourself with kindness, meeting your own thoughts, emotions, and sensations warmly. Also, think about what it’s like to genuinely offer kindness to others—not just being polite, but truly feeling warmth and care. This sense of kindness is a central principle in Buddhism, known as loving-kindness, and is important for how we support each other.
What does it feel like to be kind? When is it easy to be kind? When is it most difficult to be kind?
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Tonight, I'll discuss different kinds of love before we meditate together—starting with loving kindness, a universal form, and also exploring romantic and family love. In small groups, connect with people you haven't met and share thoughts about love. After our meditation, I'll elaborate further. Healthy love centers on giving, goodwill, friendliness, acceptance, and generosity. It’s an outward offering, but love often gets mixed with wanting it in return, attachment, and clinging.
What is love? What does love mean to you? Where do you feel it? What is your relationship to it?
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The Buddha taught that each person has a primary personality tendency, which is not clearly explained but could be shaped by childhood conditioning or karmic reincarnation. This tendency aligns with one of three main causes of suffering: greed, hatred, or delusion.
To identify your own tendency, notice your initial reaction when entering a room—whether you focus on things you desire (greed), things you dislike (hatred), or if your perception is clouded (delusion). For example, if your attention immediately goes to items you want, like a Buddha painting or a Motorhead t-shirt, your core tendency may be greed.
Do you have judging eyes? Are you present or spaced out? Do you have wanting eyes? What’s strongest for you: Greed, Hatred or Delusion?
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Tonight, I'm talking about addiction to our minds. The term "addiction" is often used casually—people say they're addicted to things like exercise or meditation. But for those who've experienced substance or process addiction, it's a much deeper issue. My definition of addiction is: it's the repeated habit of satisfying cravings to avoid, change, or control the uncomfortable reality of the present moment.
Are you addicted to your mind? How addicted to your mind are you?
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I'm gonna talk tonight about, um, sickness, old age, death and karma loss, grief and karma.
Do you believe in reincarnation? Why do you believe or not?
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I'm just going to open the floor for questions, topics, or reflections on anything you're curious about regarding meditation practice, Buddhist teachings, or any aspect of Buddhism that interests you. Tonight, we'll focus on a Q&A format, so take a moment to consider what's truly relevant for you. Asking questions is valuable, but it can also be insightful to pause and reflect on what you want to ask and why—it often reveals something meaningful about your own practice and interests.
What’s it like to introduce yourself to someone you don’t know? Are you up for giving it a try?
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Tonight, as I mark 37 years of both sobriety and Buddhist practice, I want to share three important lessons Buddhism has taught me. In our small group, take a moment to reflect: What are three things you've learned from Buddhism or meditation? Even if you're new or just curious, consider what insights, if any, have stood out to you on this path.
What are 3 things you’ve learned? What are 3 things you’re hoping to learn?
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Tonight’s Dharma talk focuses on mindfulness of the body—our relationship to our physical form, and the Buddha’s teachings on meditating with an awareness of the body’s impermanence. The Buddha encourages us to recognize the body is subject to aging, sickness, and death, and not to see it as our identity or true self. Instead, the body is a temporary process, always changing.
How’s your relationship to your body? How identified are you to your body? How much do you take your body personally when you’re hurt?
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Tonight, my plan is mostly to do Q&A—to see what’s on your mind, answer any questions you might have about meditation, Buddhism, or any particular teachings, practices, or perspectives that you’re curious about. But before we dive into questions, let’s pause for a moment. I’d like to share some reflections.
Earlier, I was asked to talk about the Buddha’s teaching of the second arrow. This teaching tells us that life often brings its share of pain and difficulty—almost as if we’re shot by an arrow simply by being alive, having a body, a nervous system, and a mind. Painful experiences are inevitable; this is the first arrow, the dukkha, or the first noble truth. It’s unavoidable.
However, much of what the Buddha taught—and the essence of the path toward enlightenment and liberation—is about the second arrow. The second arrow is what we do in response to pain: we add aversion, judgment, fear, or anger. Our reaction to pain becomes another source of suffering, compounding the difficulty of the original experience. The practice, then, is learning not to shoot ourselves with that second arrow.
Why aren’t you completely at peace? Why aren’t you happy all of the time?
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Tonight, I want to explore the theme of dependent origination—how everything is shaped by what came before, how our reactions and choices are influenced by our conditioning, and where karma fits in. So, how much free will do you think we really have? Are we truly in charge of our responses, or do we sometimes feel like we're just reacting out of habit, shaped by past experiences, family, religion, and society? That's the big question for tonight: how much agency do we actually have over our lives, and how much is simply conditioning at work?
How much free will do we actually have? Are you totally in charge of all of your reactions?
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One of the topics I'll discuss tonight is generosity and the Buddhist teachings on the importance of giving, non-attachment, and sharing.
Generosity isn't limited to money—it's also about offering time, energy, and service. Consider: How do you practice generosity in your own life? Do you volunteer somewhere regularly? Do you give a portion of your income to organizations or nonprofits? In some traditions, such as tithing, people commit to giving 10% of their income.
Reflect on whether you allocate a certain percentage of your resources to giving. Do you mentor others, sponsor someone, or offer your skills and help for free, simply out of a desire to serve? Maybe you find fulfillment in volunteering at an animal shelter, a hospice, or offering help wherever it's needed.
Do you give your time to service? Do you donate a portion of your income to a charity? How do you show up to help others?
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Turning Our Difficulties Into Positives
Take a moment to reflect on something from your past that was difficult, unpleasant, or even painful. It might have been truly challenging—perhaps even tragic—but somehow, in time, you ended up benefiting from it. You know those experiences that, while you’re in the thick of them, feel unbearable? Frustrating, painful, filled with loss or hardship. Yet when you look back, you realize that, despite all the difficulty, you grew. You learned something invaluable. Maybe you found sobriety, discovered meditation, started therapy—whatever it was, that hardship became the catalyst for positive change in your life.
What was tragic in your life that you actually benefited from? Something unpleasant or uncomfortable that ended up having a positive effect in your life.
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I’ll Be Happy When
I'm going to talk tonight about a few different things, but one of the main themes I've been reflecting on is what the Buddha calls "becoming"—this tendency of our mind to believe we'll finally be happy when we get somewhere else, when we become something else, when there's a destination to reach.
Now, I'll talk about it further, but of course, in Buddhism, there is a destination—nirvana. The Third Noble Truth points to the end of desire, the destination of enlightenment, wisdom, and compassion. We are striving to develop, uncover, and experience those qualities. Yet so often, our minds say, "I'll be happy when..."—when something other than wisdom arrives, some sensual or material gain, some external achievement or attainment.
What is it that your mind tells you you need to be happy? I’ll be happy when ____.
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Prioritizing The Dharma
I'm going to touch on a few different topics tonight. I just returned from a retreat last week, and I’d like to share some reflections from that experience. One of the key themes I want to explore is the practice of making the Dharma, meditation, and the Eightfold Path—essentially the practices of Buddhism—a true priority in our lives.
It’s led me to ask myself: How much am I really prioritizing mindfulness, kindness, generosity, compassion, and all these principles? They sound like wonderful ideas, but in practice, how much importance am I actually giving them in my daily life?
How much of you time are you using to prioritize the Dharma? Where do you prioritize the Dharma in your life?
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Non-Theistic Approach To Life
Today, I will be discussing the concept of personal responsibility—the notion that we are accountable for our own happiness as well as our suffering. Buddhism presents a non-theistic approach to life, which frames this perspective.
I encourage you to participate regardless of your beliefs; there is no requirement to identify as Buddhist or accept any specific doctrine. You are welcome to join us, explore these concepts, and maintain your current beliefs. I am always interested in examining our individual convictions, and I find it valuable for us to reflect on what we truly believe.
Are you an atheist? Do you believe in grace? Do you believe in blessings? Do you believe in personal responsibility?
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Tonight, I’d like to share a topic that serves as both an icebreaker and a way to connect more deeply with others. I’ll be speaking about Buddhism, specifically its core focus: freeing ourselves from suffering. Enlightenment or awakening in Buddhist thought is defined as reaching a state where we no longer create unnecessary suffering in our lives.
While these ideas are interconnected, I’ll separate them for clarity in tonight’s discussion. To end suffering, we can cultivate two key practices: non-attachment to pleasure and compassion. Through meditation, we can develop compassion as a skill—learning to meet our pain with kindness and understanding. Similarly, we can practice non-attachment, letting go of the tendency to cling to pleasurable experiences. These two approaches together guide us toward a life of greater balance and freedom.
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Ask The Right Questions
I had several ideas for Dharma talks for tonight, but none of them feel authentic to me at the moment. It seems like I was reaching for a topic instead of choosing one that I am passionate about and connected to. Therefore, instead of delivering a Dharma talk, I will conduct a Q&A session. However, the Q&A can take the form of a Dharma talk if the right questions are asked.
You are welcome to ask any question, whether you are at home or in the room. Your questions can be about your Buddhist practice, your life, or topics on which you seek a Buddhist perspective. They can also address Buddhist teachings or any aspect of life you would like some Buddhist reflections on.
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To initiate the meditation practice, it is important to understand the Four Noble Truths, which are central principles of Buddhist teachings. The first noble truth states that there is the existence of suffering, which can also be referred to as unhappiness. This level of unhappiness is natural and an inherent part of life, not attributable to personal fault.
The second noble truth traditionally explains that the cause of suffering or unhappiness is craving and attachment. Clinging to desires results in unhappiness. The third noble truth asserts that it is indeed possible to overcome this suffering, often described as enlightenment or nirvana.
What does Happiness feel like to you? What brings Happiness to your life? How do you experience joy?
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I prefer to begin class by providing a topic for discussion. Tonight, instead of delivering a planned Dharma talk, I will take topics from the group. For the small groups, consider what aspects of Buddhism or dharma life are on your mind. Think about questions you have, areas where your practice is evolving, or topics that are relevant to your life. Discuss these with each other.
What are some of the Dharma topics that come up for you? Which feel relevant in your life? What’s on your mind?
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